I see happiness in your eyes, but when I look at mine there’s pain.  Your brown eyes sparkle as you look at your new girlfriend.  I question what’s  wrong with me. I see a new you with her, I see your smile and question if I was ever enough.

I gave you my all. I admit, many people see me as a happy person. A person who shields her pain and moves on that’s what I want to believe. Shielding my emotions from the public was my speciality. But the minute I go in my room, which is my comfort place. I cry in silence. Underneath me being understanding there’s a girl who’s insecure and selfish. I want someone to look into my eyes the way you do with her. I want someone to give me the same butterflies that you once gave me. I want my tears of remembering the past to vanish, I look at our pictures on my phone and my anger increases. My face turns red, my hands start to shake, I just want to go back to the way things were. My throat feels like it got stabbed as I let out a silent cry, I want you to be mine.

Then I remember, we got in so many arguments in the past, but isn’t love about fighting for each other? I sure thought so. Yet still I wonder, why did it have to end this way? You have no idea I exist anymore I guess that’s why they call history the past.

I continue to shed a fountain of tears as I hide away from everyone. The only person who hears my silent cries is God. I really want a sign that I will be okay. That there will be someone to come in and make me happy again.

Right after I had that thought my phone lit up, I checked it. It’s my  best friend Holleigh; she was able to tell I was in the dark. She has always been a mind reader, I laugh to myself.  We talked for hours, I let out all my sorrow and pain. She listened and helped me through my biggest obstacles in life.

I learned from then on to not be afraid to express my emotions, to help people, and to count my blessings. For the longest time I was focused on one person. Blocking away everything else that matters, I started helping people too. Little by little putting the broken pieces back together. The broken pieces I once had.  

It may have endured damage but with enough effort it can still function. All it takes is accepting help, while also moving forward. Moving on is a virtue  with that once damaged heart comes learning and hope. It just takes the right people to turn the darkness into light.