Behind the Name
“So, Mr. Cheeseburger, tell me the story behind your name.”
A lax-faced, 20-something-year-old man, sat facing the interviewer, his hands folded across a loose hamburger – print T-shirt.
“I’m assuming the name change involved – ah – rash decisions, and alcohol?” The interviewer prodded, half curious, and half wary of what an alcoholic’s reputation might do to his very prestigious company.
“That’s what I tell most people,” said the man slowly.
“Consider me the other few.”
“Okay, then answer me this: you meet a beautiful, blonde woman, with red-lipstick and a cashmere sweater. Her posture is straight, her nose aquiline, and her head fairly intelligent. What would you do upon meeting her?”
“Well I suppose I’d ask her out,” said the interviewer, taken aback by the sudden change in topic.
“Quite right, quite right!” The man’s eyes were twinkling as he leaned forward. “You’d ask her out. Now what if she said yes and proceeded to begin a three-year relationship with you? What would come after that?”
“The next step after a committed relationship is usually a committed marriage,” said the interviewer cautiously.
“Ah – but what if – what if you found out she was burger-obsessed and that her parents owned a fastfood restaurant? What then?”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked the interviewer. “Fast food is delicious.”
“You are a vegetarian.”
“Well, I would marry her still.”
“Perhaps, perhaps, but perhaps she would not marry you. What would you do then?”
“I don’t know.” said the interviewer, confused and irritated. “What does this have to do with your name? Or this job? Or your reputation?”
“I’ll tell you how you make the girl marry you,” said the man, ignoring the interviewer’s list of queries. “You change your name to her favorite thing in the whole world – Bacon Double Cheeseburger – and you blame it on alcohol.”
“Why doesn’t she just change her own name if she likes burgers so much? I mean, you haven’t done anything particularly impressive.”
“Well, the point is to make her think you love the same exact thing – me! – and a good bacon double cheeseburger.”
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